Miss Medicina's Manifesto
Friday night I went to a couple of game stores in the area with some of my IRL friends. A couple of the guys over at Save or Die Radio started up a newbie D&D gaming night for a few of us who have never really had a chance to try out D&D - and it's an absolute blast. I love it, and I'm incredibly grateful that someone finally gave me a chance to try it out. Which brings me to my point.

Why are so many gamers such complete jerks to newbies?

I've always had a problem with this, but it didn't really come into the forefront until one of the employees at one of the gaming stores we went to was a complete ass to me, because he hates 4th edition D&D, and we're playing it. If you don't know what 4th ed. is, it's the newest edition of D&D - and it's like a very watered down, simplified version of D&D. It's a lot easier to make a character, and, truth be told, it's a lot like playing WoW, honestly. Which a lot of D&Ders absolutely hate. I get that - it's a big change from 3rd edition, and people don't always like change. Think of it like the stat streamlining coming in WoW - for the people who enjoy the difficulty, enjoy the effort needed, they feel robbed of what they loved of the game. It doesn't make you an elitist jerk to enjoy the more complicated aspects of a game.

The thing is, you don't have to stop playing 3rd edition just because 4th is now available. A lot of people have chosen not to. But what's great about 4e is that it is a lot easier to learn if you're new.

Which I suppose is why gamer store asshat scoffed at us when we mentioned that. With powerful hand gestures, he made it quite clear to me that he didn't give a damn about whether or not the new edition made it easier for new folks to join the world of D&D - for all he cared, they could go jump off a cliff, right? For many gamers, it seems like some kind of exclusive, elitist circle. As someone who is in the Academia world IRL, let me just tell you that this attitude makes me absolutely sick.

I had this problem all through my childhood/adolescence years. Had I asked any of my friends at any point in time, all the way up through college, if they were interested in trying out D&D, I would have been absolutely ridiculed, and probably found myself with fewer friends. D&D isn't sexy, didn't you know? 16 year old girls are supposed to be sexy - not hanging out with the freaks and geeks playing Magic or D&D in the cafeteria.

I don't know if it was because I was female or because I always lived in pretty snooty areas, but for all my interest in RPGs, I was completely in the closet about it - because all I ever heard about it in my environment was how lame, geeky, and loserish it was.

And then I met my fiance, and all of his friends were gamers, and it was suddenly okay to be a little geeky. Suddenly, no one thought anything of it if you would prefer to paint minis with some friends on Saturday night than to go get trashed at a bar. Yet even then, it took 4 years to get invited to the gaming table for myself. I listened to all their conversations eagerly, but was still scared to ask if I could join. That fear was a combination of being a female, and someone who didn't know how D&D worked. All the gamer guys were... well.. guys. It was their thing, and I really didn't want to intrude - or humiliate myself and embarass them by asking.

WoW was how I was able to carefully nudge myself in, though it was never my motive. I've mentioned before that I started in computer RPGs. I've been playing them for nearly 20 years - but I always played solo games. Until World of Warcraft, I never played RPGs with anyone else. I had no one else to play with. But in WoW, you meet other people to play with. All the fiance's gamer friends were playing WoW, eventually we all wound up on the same server, started gaming together, and the rest is history. And then one of the guys decided to take advantage of the watered-down-ness of 4th ed, and offer up a gaming night for a couple of us slightly outside the hardcore gamer circle who wanted to try it. But it still took 4 years for me, and many many more for one or two of the others in our newbie group.

So why is that? Why is it when I walk into a PvP battleground, to try and learn how to PvP, I'm yelled at for being a noob? No one gives suggestions, or offers to help. I just get told l2play, and go home. Why do I see people trying to learn not to stand in fires in raids and PuGs get ridiculed? How exactly does one learn to play, if they are ostracized for needing to learn? For being new? For not knowing the ropes yet? At least in WoW, being a chick doesn't matter and doesn't prevent you from gaming - because no one belives you're a chick anyway.

Why are so many gamers so exclusive? If you want to D&D, but you play WoW, prepare yourself for the criticism. There's like an unspoken scale of gamer geekiness - the low ends of the scale make fun of the higher ends for being "way more of a loser, way geekier", and the high ends of the scale won't let the lower ends in to learn how to play.

World of Warcraft Players -> New D&Ders -> Old D&Ders -> LARPers

I think the answer to that question lies in the problem itself. It's a defense mechanism, if you will. Fellow gamers build a protective bubble around themselves, not letting too many people in, and avoiding those outside. Maybe it's because they are so used to being given crap for enjoying a game.

There was always the gamer cafeteria table - Middle School. High School. And even University. That's right - I remember in the dining hall at my University, there was a giant group of tables full of gamers who were there all day long, holding down the fort while others were in classes, playing Magic, playing WoW on their laptops, even playing with some minis. And everyone gawked at the geek table. I never ate in the Dining Hall without hearing the people around me comment about what losers those gamers were - and I was always too shy to sit at the gaming table and ask if someone wanted to remind me the rules of Magic.

What irritates the hell out of me, is that when people find out I play WoW now, I can almost always predict their reactions. Half of the guys will say "Ah, okay." The other half will say "Really?! Me too!" or wistfully "Man, I used to play. What kind of toon?". And almost every single girl will stare at me unpleasantly, and stifle laughter. Even my oldest friends find it strange, and tease me affectionately.

Knitting as a hobby? Okay. Scrapbooking? Sure. Bicycling? Hey that's cool. Gaming? OMG WHAT A GEEK.

There's a reason why so many of my healing guides are directed towards the new healer who is completely lost. Because I sympathize with you folks. I was once a brand new healer myself - and I got sick of people saying "l2play" without telling me how to learn. I'm a new D&Der, and I get pissed off when people scoff at me playing 4th edition. To every new player who finds this blog - you are always welcome here. You can ask any question, no matter how ridiculously stupid you may think it is. As long as you show interest instead of ridicule, I am more than happy to give you any help I can.

For the record, I also enjoy classic literature, Latin poetry, debating Russian History (why yes, you CAN debate history), and waxing poetic on theology, psychology, and philosophy. Those used to be my hobbies. But I was never able to find a companion to discuss those topics with who was not an elitist prick. Hobbies are much more fun with companions.

Plus, it got really boring without a staff.

9 Responses
  1. Araat/Vinenaro Says:

    Haha, I know what you mean when you say each of the gamersphere's look down on the others... Alot of my friend IRL play magic, sometimes even D&D, but tell me I am crazy and addicted to WoW And i should never touch "warcrack" again or else I will have no friends and never meet a girl. Well they can just $*&# off! Gamer elitism is retarded :P

    I am off to have lunch with three of my good female friends... all of which are very attractive and have lots of attractive friends :)

  2. Jessabelle Says:


    Exactly. Gamers get laid too. 'Nuff said.

  3. Spanklin Says:

    D&D is for nerds.

  4. Araat/Vinenaro Says:

    I just felt a strong desire to post something on this post, I totally can relate to it (other than the female gamer thing). Just wanted to let you know that this post strongly affected me :)

  5. Anonymous Says:

    Wierd, i've never heard of roleplaying elitests. Well except perhaps those wierdos that get dressed up ;-)

    My mate and I started plying DnD together a very long time ago, but he never misses a chance to have a joke about 'wowcrack' when we get together.

    Watch out those that DnD thing can be addictive. ;-)

    If your keen check out our wiki.


    Gobble gobble.

  6. Jessabelle Says:


    zomg l2play


    I feel pretty passionate about it too. I mean cmon. This post was even TLDR by MY standards. srsly.


    It's the LARPers! hahah... and I already AM addicted to D&D. It's a new obsession. And it's really frustrating to not understand everything. I went to your wiki, and I was completely lost. One day I'll understand. I've been spending most of my spare time reading up and trying to get the hang of everything!

  7. Fulguralis Says:

    Ha ha. I R Elitist Bastard Companion de Jessabelle.

    I lack the imagination to LARP. That and probably the maturity. I know... whaaaa? Maturity to LARP? Fo'shizzle, I would laugh and make a spell called "rice throw" just because I'm a cad like that.

    I think for a lot of adult gamers, it takes maturity to admit "this is what I enjoy doing, even if others find it ridiculous." When you reach that level, then you tend to be more accepting of others too. Everything else is just uncivilized.

    Vine keeps telling me about these "very attactive" female friends he has, and all I have to say is "pics or it didn't happen" ;-).

  8. Fuubaar Says:

    Gaming as a Chick is just "forbidden" ;)

    TBH, when I was in elementary school, middle school, & pretty much all of Highschool, I NEVER told anyone that I played video games. I figured that boys wouldn't date me because I was a "geek" but when they would ask me to play any first person shooter games or any other games, I would beat them ;)

    I even blew off a few parties because I was not at a stopping point in FFVIII (If you've ever played that game before you would understand Save points are few & far between)

    I have just learned to be myself & others will appreciate that.


  9. Moogieshine Says:

    I have stumbled upon your site while looking for help with my priest. I appreciate your feelings about us poor noobs that want to learn, but are pushed back by those that know. I will have to come back and read more at my leisure. Thanks again for making this post.

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