RP Friday: ZOMG Elimeny does DPS?!
As I walked through the portal into Naxxramas for the first time, I could not suppress the chills of excitement that ran through me. For any Paladin, the sickly sweet scent of undeath makes our trigger fingers itch, and our innate desire for retribution and purification burn. I took a deep breath, and felt my pupils dilate. I hungered for the act of cleansing this reprehensible establishment of the creatures I knew dwelled within.

Unfortunately, due to the constraints of being a Paladin healer, my healing skills were not required by my fellow adventurers. Tonight, my first time in the infamous Naxxramas, I would be wielding my trusty mace in an attempt to slaughter monstrous fiends, not restore the life of my allies. In my eagerness to involve myself in these activities, I agreed with little hesitation. Honestly, how hard could it be to bonk some undead heads instead of heal?


As groups of monsters assaulted us from all angles, I found myself flailing my weapon wildly around me, or at least, as wildly as anyone can flail a deceptively weighty two-handed mace. I might have hit Yusuf a few times. I probably hit him more often than the spiders. Oh well. Being a good sport, he continued to encourage my efforts, and assured me that I was doing fine.

In my eagerness to Exorcise the demons from within the creatures headed our way, I found they often did not appreciate my attempts on their behalf, and though Yusuf scrambled to distract them by calling them motherless fiends and all other manner of truly not very polite nouns, they seemed to think it was more fun to melt my face to the floor before going after him. Maybe they were right. After several resurrections from my healing friends, I finally decided to take a more cautious route. Dear Light from above, I suppose I underestimated the power of these wiley foes!

Unfortunately, I had not yet mastered all my retribution skills, and would accidentally cast Divine Storm at random intervals while nowhere near any foes. When I did finally get somewhere near our targets, I somehow often managed to walk about three inches PAST them and start wielding my heavy mace through the air, finding no purchase and staring around with a flummoxed expression. I imagine it required nothing short of a Herculean effort on Yusuf’s behalf to suppress snickering at the various bemused looks on my face, but I cannot deny that my Warrior friend has a measure of honor that surpasses many of my expectations.

I continued to hold my head high as with each boss I better managed to actually contact their flesh with my mace, despite the giggles of one or two silly mages. Honestly, it’s easy for them to laugh; They barely even have to move, except when they are running away, wailing loudly about their lack of armor. Wimps. I’ll remember that next time I’m in charge of triage.

Near the end of the night, as we faced the giant spider Maexxna, I finally found my groove. Oh yes, this is nice – I can stand 5 feet away and STILL miraculously use my mace. But the best part was to come later as I heard the call of one of my healer comrades…

“Help! I’ve been web wrapped!”

YES. GLORY IS MINE. So sorry for your pain, my dear friend. So sorry that I really do not have the ability to free you from your webby demise. Hopefully those whiny mages will find themselves face to face with some mini-spiders. NOW I HAVE AN EXCUSE TO HEAL.

*FLASH!* ~Heal~ *FLASH!* ~Heal~

Don’t worry Yusuf. My mace may miss on occasion, but my heals are always glorious.
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